Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in christina_n's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, July 10th, 2007
4:04 pm	Genital Surgery and my Chance at Hollywood My dear Diary, First of all, three weeks ago I went to London to see the shrink and the genital surgeon. They were both amazingly sweet and kind, and they said yes! I was so elated, I still am.. I've set my surgery on the 8th of November. I'll be in London with my Maria and -amazingly- my mother! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then I can finally change my legal name (and perhaps wear some tight jeans).. Also! Last Friday I got an email by an australian company asking if I could do a test painting for a high-profile job. It turned out to be the film Elizabeth:The Golden Age starring Cate Blanchett, aaaand whichever artist did the best painting would be given the gig. I was one of the three runners-up but unfortunately the director didn't choose mine. Still, here it is, on Deviantart; Cate Blanchett as Elizabeth by ~neofotistou on deviantART Kisses and love Christina (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 30th, 2007
4:18 pm	last year's report... Dear Diary, I haven't posted for a year, I'm not one for routine, for writing things down and checking replies, but I still find myself thinking fondly of keeping a journal. Transitioning is hard work actually, just the simple fact of trying to be what you are, and it took (and is still taking) a lot from me. But these days I'm making short term plans for my genital surgery, shrinks finally having agreed that being a transwoman and a lesbian aren't mutually exclusive and a sign of schizophrenia. I'm active in our little lesbian group of Athens, where transphobic attitudes are lately subsiding or kept a secret, writing articles on lesbians and transgender people for lgbt magazines and newspapers, and becoming better-known as an illustrator. The greek edition of Esquire has made me a permanent contributor (I dread to read the contents of the magazine though, feminist sense is tingling). I'm still with Maria, my girlfriend of 6 years and 8 months as of tomorrow. I still have my ups and downs, but I'm happy, more and more and more, for the first time in my life have I been so happy. Still can't get paid in my own name, and can't do practically anything legally because of the stupid laws in Greece allowing a change of legal identity only to transpeople who alter their genitals. Needless to say this is a completely transphobic and homophobic and third-world attitude but what can you do. What else? A whole year has passed and I still can't think of much to write.. I finished a painting about rape, it got a huge number of replies and I was very very happy and moved that so many people care about social issues. I also got some personal emails from rape survivors which moved me to no end. Maria got a job at the university, editing documents for the e-learning branch. It's a steady income and she feels useful and happy. My dad is still not talking to me, or acknowledging my existence, and I occasionally dream of him being either physically violent and enraged with me or passive-aggressively devastated by grief and trying to pin the guilt on me. I'm afraid I will forget what he's really like and keep these dream images as real memories of him.. My mom has covered a lot of way though, she is very careful with pronouns, calls me every single day (long-distance!), occassionally sends me money, and once she even went shopping with me and bought me a skirt she didn't like at first but which has become my favorite. I dress solely in skirts, not only to avoid tucking the, er, clitoris away from prying eyes but also because I've wanted to for years and years. Plus trousers make me look less curved, and I'm NOT risking having a gender-variant appearance anytime soon. A friend brought over a documentary about transmen a few days ago, and I helped him transcribe the text and translate it in greek. The film is called "Boy I am" and it was immaculate from a feminist standpoint, even though there still was some transphobia in it. What else? I'm out of ideas for surreal/symbolist paintings, and it's bugging me that this is out of my life, but I'm still hoping to recover. I look at my previous work on my website and find it of poor taste and execution. Er.. Maybe illustration is really my calling? Who knows! Medicine sure isn't though, since I've lost all drive to complete med school. Perhaps it's the fact that I have no legal support. Maybe when I get my female ID it will give me enough entitlement to go back and tell them I'm a student and a citizen and demand that I be taken seriously. On the other hand I can't think of myself studying for hours on end ever again... Oh, also, after christmas, my shrink tried to bargain with me: his end of the bargain would be to accept I'm not psychotic, and my end of the bargain would be to be locked in a mental hospital for a month, with no ability to work, NO hormones, and (possibly but I didn't find out) in a male ward with male patients. I was tempted to accept, because things were looking amazingly bad at the time, but thankfully I was so terrified of the inhumane situation that I declined. It might have proved destructive for my self-esteem and my body-image and even my mental health, and the shrinks were too ignorant to be able to guarantee that they could rule out psychosis if I did as they said. If they thought a transwoman isn't equal to all other women and therefore has the right to be straight, bi or lesbian like everybody else, why would they believe me after a month in a mental ward? Which reminds me of my former -also ignorant- therapist whom I quit a while after she uttered with incredible confidence the stupid dogma: "You can't call your penis a clitoris. Yyou have to love your penis and accept it, so that you will become devastated when you lose it to the surgery and therefore normal healing will follow". You stupid, ignorant, heteronormative, completely transphobic woman, if I *was* attached to a penis I'd be sad to lose it, but I'm a transWOMAN and even if I decided to keep what's down there, I'd still call it "a vagina, just different" until you were blue in the face. You fucking self-entitled, controlling, discriminating and pigeonholing ASSHOLE. HAH. I said it. it's good to confess things. takes them off one's chest (38 B cup and growing).. and it helps me realise the reality of it all. kisses Christina (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 12th, 2006
1:24 am	The abusive assholes who tried to taunt and scare me and Maria have been defeated. The one whose parents we called up in the middle of the night is now facing their anger, apologised in the most humiliated manner, and gave us his new phone number so we can call him in case his friends harass us again. All three of them know they have been recorded and will suffer in a court of law, should they keep this up. I heard they're scared shitless. I also found out that they had been harassing more people in the past few weeks, and nobody thought about doing anything about it. Perhaps me and Maria overreacted because we were protecting each other, but even scaring them off doesn't even begin to make up for what they've done. It's actually the first time in my life that I actually did something to protect my interests against bullies. Me and Maria cornered them, as mature adults should, and it feels good... On an even happier note; the local endocrinologist I visited doesn't treat transwomen, because she isn't an expert. But it was interesting that she didn't know I was TS before I told her. Eyes wide, she started complimenting on my face, figure, voice... I felt a little uncomfortable, since me blending in isn't something I expect to be congratulated on. It sounds as if they're trying to tell you you're faking it sooo well that nobody knows you're really a MAN :P She used to work in the endocrinology department in an OB/GYN clinic, and referred me to their TS department. There's *one* clinic that specialises in transgender people in the whole country and I accidentally stumbled upon one of the few doctors who could refer me. *And* she thought I was pretty. How cool is that. So, I have an appointment this Thursday. This time I'm going to have a real specialist deal with my hormones instead of using my shaky knowledge of pharmacology and endocrinology to treat myself! I also have an appointment with the art director of a major women's magazine (rivalling the greek COSMO), and there's a high chance they'll be hiring me as an illustrator. Wheeee! Current Mood: excited (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 9th, 2006
4:51 pm	male privilege. WTF Ok. OK!! This is about male privilege. And possibly about other stuff too. I'm just not calm enough to associate what happened with feminist theory and give a proper psychological/social analysis. It's seriously too fucked up for even me to swallow for now. Three super macho guys called me yesterday. I pick up my cell phone and someone pretending to be an old friend of mine calls me by (former male) name. “how are you? What are you doing in Athens?” – I work. George is that you? “Yes you got me. Come on, you can tell me everything, I know 'working' is not the only thing you’re doing”. Insinuating my gender transition. At the moment I’m thinking my parents made him call me to convince me I’m doing wrong. “You know, it’s a good thing too. People should take things into their own hands sometimes” He was being too sweet. I didn’t have anything intelligent to say, so I made a sound of agreement. “So, tell me, do you get any dick now?” (people laughing in the background). I hang up. ( Read more... ) Current Mood: shocked (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 8th, 2006
10:51 pm	creepy stalker night Iiiin other news! A guy hit on me on the street the day before yesterday. Not so good. OK, so I was getting out of a pub, and parted with my friend. She later said she saw the guy, on a motorbike staring at us. I started walking home and didn't notice him beside me for about 5 minutes. I stopped politely when I first saw him, I thought he was asking me for directions. Instead he said "doll, do you want to go out?". I went on walking and didn't reply at first. Then he stopped his bike in front of me again and said "come on, don't go, I just want us to talk like civillised people" This freaked me out, and I smiled politely and said "no thank you". Still a few meters ahead, he stopped beside me once more. He laid out the plan; we can go out anywhere I want, eat anything I want, drink anything I want, and that I shouldn't mind the bike, he also has a car parked near there. I stopped walking and told him I have to go home. To my boyfriend. Now. "So can't you get an hour's permission?" No. I have a relationship. "And is that a bad thing?" Of course it's bad you creepy asshole. And one hour for dinner AND sex? Premature ejaculator perhaps? ( Read more... ) (9 Comments |Comment on this)
10:45 pm	dream I just dreamt of my parents. In the dream I was in my family's house. They were so happy to see me, we were getting along just fine. I had missed them. Mom told me they want to make up for everything, they want to take me out to dinner. I was a little apprehensive, but said ok. Then she changed her mind and said that dad wanted me to go out with him. "Man to man" is what she said. I just felt like dying. Daddy came and he looked utterly devastated and sad but trying genuinely to smile. I woke up in terror. I'm homesick. The end. I can't be a boy. Even if this means my parents will never ever want to see me again. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
1:10 am	warning: artistic nudity and useless whining (as if anyone will see this) I'm posting a drawing I did for a photo. In professional photoshoots you have to do a pencil sketch first. This is me in the sketch, and amazingly it is going to be me in the photo as well. Yes I know I'm ugly and not born a girl... but it seems that a photographer kinda likes my personality and offered me a nude artistic photoshoot! Yes I know how ironic this sounds :D I'm going to call the photo "under control" and it depicts a girl (well, me) whose vagina is covered with skin-tone band aid strips, and there's a big red cross above the clitoris. Unless he takes his offer back.... I'm feeling a little down today. And it can be traced back to this: This evening I saw a magazine art-director, we had an appointment. He wanted to talk to me about my artwork which he had seen previously, and probably to offer me some work. I went there, and he was kind enough, but looked and sounded unimpressed. The illustrator who introduced me to said art director, told me that before he met me he was really enthusiastic about my work. So I have good reason to believe he didn't like the way I look. I had a look around in his offices, and all the girls who worked for him were beauty queens... So, ok, maybe it's not the most feminist of thoughts, but I'm a little depressed that not being pretty can lose you some work... And I wish I was. anyway, warning: artistic nudity, non work-safe also: warning: strange artistic perspective ( Read more... ) and kisses to stef... please don't be too sad (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 25th, 2006
10:32 pm	make-up, guys and sexism I went out shopping yesterday. See, I always put on little make-up. But yesterday was different; I accidentally overdid it with the rouge a bit, and it also brought out the colour of my lips. On the street I usually get a few glances, mostly calculating rather than appreciative. Yesterday was, again, different; I got stared at, complimented on and even winked at once! By guys, no less. Now, I'm relatively femme for a lesbian, and relatively girly for a transsexual. And yet, I seldom get this sort of thing. It had to mean something. My gf pointed out that when you're made up you send out a signal that you're available. It sounds reasonable and logical. But why? What is it that makes men think that when a girl tries to fix a few sins on her face (pimples anyone? how about thin lips?) she is trying to sell herself to them? Why do they think everything and everyone has to revolve around their pleasure? To be perfectly fair, this seems to apply mostly to lower class guys, and many lower class girls *do* overuse make-up, at least here in Greece... Perhaps it is a prerequisite that girls be excessively feminine (read; looking like drag-queens) and men excessively masculine (read apes) in order to attract each other? **Note: no I'm not a man-hating bitch. Not any more.** Oh well. Rambling to myself does seem to help a bit... Also; we bought a washing machine. Buuut, we were a little dumb with the dimensions, and now it doesn't fit in the bathroom. Or rather it fits, but the door doesn't open, impeded by the bathing tub. Our solution? We are going to build a pedestal with cement and bricks, and get the washer on it, so that the door will be above the bathtub edge. Girly stuff. It feels weird enough to be making a home together, me and my girlfriend. We didn't need sand and cement dust all over... But it's going to be fun. Current Mood: optimistic (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 21st, 2006
12:19 pm	original short fic, I guess.. A little sad, this one. --------- "Family" Daddy was driving. It was a sunny morning. Sister was chatting away on the cell-phone beside him. I was sitting in the back of the car, daydreaming about boys. Nobody expected any better of me, since I was only fifteen, so I was happy to oblige. “-What do you mean we don’t have much time to pack? I need my books and I need my make-up and…” The thing about going on vacation as a family is, some of us just can’t be pleased. Big sis was making a fuss and daddy was trying to calm her down. I wish they’d both shut up… “-Come on, sweetie, you’re going to be meeting all sorts of interesting friends on the island” You have to do better than that, daddy. And then, in his sweetest voice: “Did you have this skirt shortened? It looks so good on you.” Hey come on big sis, what does it take to make you smile? And she did. Then she let out a laugh, and the stupid tension was resolved. She was still laughing when daddy, tears streaking down his eyes, calmly steered the car over the cliff. ( Continued ) --------- I wrote it down to get it out of my head. kisses, Christina Current Mood: frustrated (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 7th, 2005
5:48 pm	here's an essay kisses, christina History of the female orgasm, and so-called female ejaculation, in Western culture. By Christina Neofotistou Strange as it may sound today, it remains a fact that the female orgasm and the –still controversial- phenomenon of female ejaculation, have long been kept deliberately obscure. In today’s western culture, the female orgasm is recognised and considered a natural and integral part of human sexual activity. It isn’t widely known, however, that the acknowledgement of this facet of female sexuality has been battled against for centuries, having evoked the wrath of the Church, the contempt of the medical profession and the resentment of the patriarchally-structured society. ( read the rest of this er..exciting(?) essay ) Current Mood: creative (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 16th, 2005
11:01 pm	Prologue Hi AnD WeLComE tO mY bLog where you are most likely to read ramblings about what I like, am troubled by or annoyed with. it is also possible that there will be paintings, sketches and other art-related uselesness by me. feel free to friend me, and I'll probably (be)friend you back if you go into the trouble to ask.   well, how's this for a new post.. kisses, christina   (2 Comments |Comment on this)